When It’s Ok Not Being Ok
13 August, 2026
For many ostomates, coming to terms with their stoma is a long and, at times, fraught journey. As a support magazine, it’s Tidings’ job to bring readers Real Life stories that therefore reassure, inspire, and do our little bit to help towards acceptance. But for a small proportion of people living with stomas, acceptance remains forever out of reach. This was the case for former ostomate, Kris Webb. We hope that by sharing her story, anyone else who feels similarly also knows that they are not alone.
By Ross Othen-Reeves
Kris Webb, a retired data and systems analyst from London, had always suffered with bowel issues on and off. But it was only in September 2022 while on holiday in Edinburgh for the Festival that her condition significantly deteriorated to an unmanageable degree for the first time.
After a dramatic journey home, which saw Kris suffer from severe diarrhoea and vomiting, she made it to her GP who was immediately alarmed. CT scans revealed a blocked bowel on the verge of rupturing. Emergency surgery was needed, and a stoma essential along with it.
‘It was a scary thing’ Kris recalls. ‘I was asked to sign my life away before surgery. But I knew nothing about stomas, really. So I said, “I can’t have this done unless it can be reversed” but the surgeon responded, “You’ll die if you don’t have this done, so let’s get on with it”’.
When Kris came round from surgery, she found she had indeed had a temporary colostomy formed. Now she was out of immediate danger, however, she would require further procedures to ascertain the reason for the blockage. Her consultant feared that cancer was to blame, but a colonoscopy and further tests confirmed that Kris was in fact living with undiagnosed diverticulitis.
Kris lived with her temporary colostomy while waiting for a slot to become available on the NHS to have major surgery to remove the diseased section of her bowel. This would result in an ileostomy being formed. Once she had healed from this second operation, she would finally be able to be put on waiting list for a stoma reversal. Something she was adamant she wanted. As Kris put it: ‘It was my whole objective in life to not have it [her stoma].’
Kris lived with her temporary colostomy for a year, supported by her husband, who she describes as ‘absolutely incredible’. She was also strengthened by her friend Diane, who lived with a permanent stoma herself. Diane encouraged Kris to not be held back by her colostomy. As she explains:
‘She made me go swimming with her, and I would never have dreamt of doing that. I wouldn’t have thought it was possible. She gave me the confidence to do a lot of things – but to go swimming! I thought that was quite incredible, really. I don’t think I would have done that without her encouragement.’
In November 2023, Kris got a call from the NHS to say a cancellation slot had become available for a weeks’ time to have surgery to remove her diseased bowel and form an ileostomy. It was short notice, but Kris was actually relieved not to have too long to mull over the intimidating prospect of major surgery.
At this point, Kris’ consultant sat her down to discuss whether she needed the surgery at all. As she recalled:
‘He said “Look, you’re coping very well with a stoma, and you can live a very full and ordinary life. Do you really want to go through major surgery just to get to the stage where it could be reversed?” In my opinion, there was absolutely no question. I knew it was going to be major surgery, but rightly or wrongly, I did not want to live with a stoma’.
The operation was a success, and although the recovery period was long and not without its challenges, the consultant was pleased with how well Kris healed. She was by now focused on her ultimate goal of a stoma reversal. She knew she was lucky to be eligible for a reversal, as the option is not possible for many ostomates due to medical reasons. However, she was shocked to discover that the waiting list on the NHS would likely be up to two years.
It was a prospect Kris could not entertain and elected to go private for the reversal surgery instead, which was booked in for six months later. Knowing she would soon be stoma-free brought Kris great relief, but she was also very aware of how fortunate she was to be able to go private. As she put it:
‘I feel I’ve been very lucky, not just because I had surgery when I had it, and I had very sympathetic hospital consultants and staff, but also because I had the money to pay for a private reversal.’
Where her previous two surgeries had caused her understandable anxiety, Kris’ mindset completely shifted when it came to her stoma reversal. Seeing what she considered as the finish line of her ongoing health issues, she viewed this third and final operation as a ‘slight inconvenience’ only – one well worth bearing to be able to return to the version of herself she felt most comfortable with.
But why was the need to be stoma-free so strong, I asked, when so many others accept, embrace, and even celebrate their stomas?
‘Ultimately, I didn’t like the inconvenience’. Kris reflected. ‘And I was always worried that it [her stoma bag] would come unstuck. I suppose I never really trusted it from that perspective, and I did have a few leaks. It gave me that extra thing to worry about. I was very grateful to have had my stoma, and it saved my life, but I wanted normality back.’
Kris’ feelings are not rare amongst the stoma community. It’s likely many Tidings’ readers will resonate with her fears and frustrations. What is rare, however, is the opportunity for ostomates and former ostomates like Kris to be able to share their stories. And to acknowledge that for some – it is ok not to feel ok.
It is an interesting thought experiment to wonder how Kris would feel now, several years on, if reversal surgery had not been an option. Would she have come to terms with her stoma? It’s impossible to say of course. But I like to think she may have found Colostomy UK and the wider stoma world, where not just one Diane, but thousands of Dianes, were ready and waiting to show her a world of possibilities.
Support From Colostomy UK
We offer a wide range of support for people living with a stoma, including our free Stoma Helpline, live chat support, and opportunities to connect with others through local and online groups. We also provide trusted information and resources to offer practical advice, reassurance, and the confidence to live well with a stoma: colostomyuk.org/support
